Back from Vacation with God.

Back from vacation-retreat. Like all other vacations it always go as I had planned.
I thought we (God and I )were going to sit by the shore, share, have coffee and enjoy all of creation.. I am trying to share what happened but in some way I am not sure myself.

Spend a day with psalm 138 giving thanks to God for
God's faithfulness  and love. Praying to keep close to God all who have asked for prayers and I promised to pray for.

Spent a restless night, was it the bed, or the Spirit?

I had been accustom to hearing God's voice speaking to me but I heard nothing, nada. I came to realize God was within me and had moved in. Now friends come to visit and then go, you can call them if you wish and arrange to have coffee and share but moving in is another story. You know what it means to share your space with another. What did I have to clean up, move or get rid of? Nothing, God accepts me as I am, the real meaning of Poverty. Interesting indeed.

At one time I had read St. Theresa said God has many mansions. I wanted to be in the top floor but now I was thinking maybe the porch isn't so bad.

 Ps 71 God has been with me throughout all my years. Even till I am old and gray-headed. I thought be nice.Yes, you are with me and now more intimately than ever.  I thank you.

Biggest issue is accepting who I am just as I am. God does. Now what?  Luke 4:43 Proclaim the good news of the God. Go serve with a humble heart.

Looking over the years God has been with me, why not now. Vulnerability in me leads to over planning which leads to getting stuck in the muck. Let go and trust.
Ps 103 God knows what I can handle.
Ps 90 Let me wake in the morning filled with your love to share with all I meet.
Proverbs: 20:24 God guides my steps. Thank God for that.

Carl Rahner said it as well. "When I break out of the narrow circle of self, and leave behind the restless agony of unanswered questions..I can bury myself entirely in God with myself and all my questions."

Finally a good night sleep. Accepting God is in me as well as in creation and he said it is good.

What am I called to each day, I don't know but God does and that is all that matters. Everything I thought I needed I didn't and what I didn't think I needed I got,
Ps 25 your paths are secure and true. You will show me the path I should follow.

Now at home I read some of Merten's contemplation and silence. He too searched and struggled to learn to let God live in him as He wished. Spiritual reading helps to know others have struggled on the journey of integration as well.